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ponderings

Perhaps you shouldn’t read this post if you have a delicate disposition.

It has been a bit since I posted.

I had surgery last week, and I’ve been recuperating.

For awhile, I’ve been silently struggling with a scary fear that had/has a tight grip around my whole being.  Cancer is not a disease my family is afflicted with.  Nope, we are of the heart disease/high blood pressure/diabetic line.

So not for a minute did I ever really worry that cancer was something I had to worry about.

Silly girl.

 It was so easy to lull myself into a false sense of well-being.

Then I started feeling a little off and started having some – gynecological issues. My husband says I am about as stubborn as they come and that I don’t always do what is the best thing for myself. Humph.  Not this time.  This time I listened to what my body was saying and I got myself to the doctor right away.

 I trust and believe in my doctor of over 25 years.

Over the past few months I’ve had several doctor visits, tests, procedures and finally surgery.  The surgery went well and I am on the road to recovery. However,  I am not out of the woods yet, the next few days are still long and difficult waiting for the latest pathology report to come back.  I feel pretty confident for good positive news.

 There I go again luring myself into a happy place of non-believing.

Occasionally I allow my mind to wander into a dark place.

 I have also wallowed in a little self-pity too because I’ve kept this private and didn’t share what was going on with family and friends.

 So there were no calls, no one to say – hey how are you doing?

Thank goodness for my husband and my dad – they have and always will be my rocks.

Last week I shared with my old blogging buddies that I was having some issues.  I’m not sure why.  Why is it easier for me to share this personal thing over the impersonal internet with folks I’ve never even met?

Why am I sharing this now?

I’m trying to trust the process.

I’m trying to believe there is a reason for all this.

I’m trying to remember to embrace the little things that matter so much.

And to laugh.

Laugh with me, won’t you.

If for a moment you think your job sucks – ponder this as I did.

 I woke up from surgery wearing disposable underwear and enough padding to sink a ship.

 Where did that come from?

Bless that person(s) it had to be a two person job – I mean really  – to put underwear on an unconscious bleeding fat lady.

 Now there is a job you can keep.

 But I thank you  – whoever you are.

I’ll be back to posting pretty pictures and nice words soon.

See you later, Bye!

Kim

16 thoughts on “ponderings

  1. Oh, Kim, I must say that I am glad you are sharing about what is going on with you ‘someplace’ because it is so important to get those thoughts out of our brains and souls and to hear from others that care about us. I understand how it can be easier to share over the internet because it has a level of being not as personal as people that are face to face in our lives, and that’s certainly okay. You have been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be. While cancer is most certainly a scary prospect, at least in current day it does NOT equal a death sentence. So many, many people heal completely from their cancer, including my own mother, so there is indeed much hope that abounds. While it is good to be realistic, never lose your positive, hopeful outlook! I am sure it creates good things inside our bodies that fight whatever is ailing us. You hang in there! Peace to your heart, Sara

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    1. Sara – It truly does my heart good to have your understanding and to hear the kindness in your words. I have a sadness in my heart and a great sense of failure on my behalf with my personal relationships. Thank you for your continued support.
      XOXO
      Kim

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  2. Kim, you are in my thoughts! I am sure that this is a difficult and scary time for you and Mr. Cottage. Please know that you have good wishes coming from Texas!

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  3. Yeah, I was blindsided when I received a breast cancer diagnosis because cancer hadn’t been in my family other than my Dad’s prostate cancer but he didn’t have to go thru chemo/radiation like I did. We are the heart disease/high BP group, too. I’ve done a lot of research in the intervening years and I choose not to have much plastic in my kitchen, or eat a lot of processed foods or use toxic chemicals in the garden because ALL of that is contributing to cancer. I hope you have an encouraging test result from the pathologist and I will send up a prayer.

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    1. I too have eliminated plastic and processed food and for the past few years, I cook all my cat and dog treats from scratch, just call me overly cautious.
      Thank you for thinking of me.
      xok

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  4. So glad to hear you are recovering well Kim and I love that you have not lost your sense of humor through this difficult time. I have thought of you often since I read of your surgery and I just know everything is going to be OK. Sending positive thoughts and please know you are in my prayers. xoxo

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  5. My gifted brilliant warrior, my heart is hurting after reading this post. But if anyone knows how to make lemonade, it’s certainly you. You are one of those rare souls who is able to look beyond the exterior of things and see the glints of gold that lie in disguised sunken treasure. There is no doubt that you are already seeing the grand message that the Universe is gifting upon you. It’s not easy being the one who creates new paths for others…..but leading the way is only given to the truly evolved ones. Continue sailing your sparkling ship in your own unique direction, your internal compass is impeccably designed. I’ll be patiently waiting to see what magical island you land on next. So glad you were born Ms. Kim, it’s divine soaring in your cosmic space….zoooom!!
    Prayers, dreams, wishes, and tons of love coming your way soul sista.
    Cindy, a fellow artsy chick

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  6. Kim, I’m so sorry to hear about your surgery and I hope you are healing and mending good. I am 22 years free of cancer and it is such a great feeling when you get your check-up and find that the blood work is normal. Keep your chin up and your sense of humor — you will overcome. Hoping to hear from you again.

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    1. Eleanor – you are such an inspiration – thank you. I know you and yours have been through an awful lot here lately, so I thank you for taking time to think about me and share your kindness.
      xok

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  7. Hey Kim,
    so, how ARE you doing? It’s late as I write this…Dunno just how late, as the batteries ran down in my clock and I haven’t decided whether I care enough to put new ones in. But I guess, in a way, that is what it is all about, huh? All we have is this moment (even when we aren’t entirely sure which moment we are currently enjoying…ahem). You are indeed an abundantly joyous gift to all of us who get to enjoy your words and beautiful art. Stay out of those dark places, ok? Looking forward to hearing from you again.

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    1. Thank you both – all is good and I am on the road to full recovery. I go to the doctor next week for a check-up and fully anticipate getting a good report and an okay to resume all activities.
      Hope you guys are well.
      xok

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